In the very first "This is Not Advice" column, I explore what it means to "grow an audience" in a time when social media feels broken and relationships have become transactional.
Hi Tara. I don't quite know how I found you, but I'm sure glad I did. This article is music to my ears and a salve to my soul.
My reason for being on Substack is to help change the narrative around breast cancer (less slap-on pink ribbon after 'fight the good fight' & more inner reflection and personal healing journey) and rather than put all my writing into a one-off book, I came here to spark discussion, hold conversations, LISTEN to other's stories while I share my own and TOGETHER walk ourselves through a changed perspective and promote a shift in the Cancer System.
Obviously, the more people join in the conversation the more collective power we will have, but I view this as a longterm process, not a quick hit ego project; 15mins of fame, then onto the next topic or iteration of my work. Also obviously, I need to feed and house myself and my children and this work takes energy, effort, time and requires money. (When the recurrence of cancer nudges occasionally, you guard all these things VERY mindfully).
So my reason for writing to you here is; I like the 'depth rather than breadth' encouragement of being remarkable. This is my wish for myself, my work and most definitely what I choose to engage with on Substack. I know that trying to be present on many SM platforms, leads to an exhaustion and soul-destruction that could literally make me terminally ill, but there are times that I worry that I am not doing 'what it takes to get notice'. Reading your perspective this morning grounded me back into my own conviction that being remarkable rather than marketable is my healthy, sustainable route.
Have a great week. You have help me to start mine well :)
Hi Emma! You used the word "listen"—and that's so key, right? I think I implied listening in the post but didn't say it explicitly, so I'm glad you did! If we want others to listen to us, we have to listen to them. If we want others to share our work, we need to share theirs.
I often think about an idea from Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering. She says that if we want people to 'go into the deep end' with us, then we have to be willing to dive in first and go much deeper than we hope they will. I think writers are primed to do this in their writing, but it's not what we're told to do as people who are trying to get others to notice our writing. But the same can apply here. What does it look like to dive in first and go much deeper with the way we engage and share others' writing? And how might that shift the way our own writing is received?
Beautiful questions. And here's my first riff: what it looks like is taking time and being human; daring to be real, vulnerable, wrong sometimes, to be messy and complicated while also clear and not contrived.
There is also an element of the writer and sharer needing to be in touch with something more than just a superficial, go-getting headspace. Vapid might be entertaining sometimes - and we all need some of that - but if we are truly to engage with people and their ideas we need to be grounded in our own depth first.
How might that shift the way our own writing is received? My hope is that being this way will indirectly give others permission to show-up similarly. I believe we receive a sense of how a post feels from "between the lines" - this is possibly the wisdom in a person that enables them to write in the way that they do - and I like to think that our readers respond to that. I am a poet, so I trust this 'feel'. I certainly felt it in your post which inspired me to respond.
You have literally described my life and business. I have always been a relationships person and most of my friendships started in corporate offices. That approach did not change when I launched my own business 8+ years ago. For the last five years I've had a consistent six-figure product-based business despite a relatively small audience. People often ask me how I do that and a big part of my answer is "relationships." To me these relationships are never transactional, they exist because I enjoy them, I learn from them, and I love the friendships that grow out of them. In my business I also call it "mingling" because it feels like networking and engagement that is fun, friendly and relationship-based. I reckon especially with AI entering our lives now, that 'real' relationships will become even more important. Thanks for this wonderfully affirming article ❤️
Wow Tara, this is another insightful and extremely relevant point:
"When the focus is on more, it’s hard to make remarkable things. And it’s near impossible to allow the space for others to remark."
This makes me think of the Industrial Revolution! Look at the extraordinary mess that has caused us and is having a major domino affect on the whole of us. Going back to quote Sharon Blackie on how women are the Earth's caregivers, how now is not about getting MORE but giving back.
"Space to remark" Your insight is acute on this subject. This is why I could never fully commit to any social media. It feels to me at times a dumping ground, a mound of rubble, bubbling at first and then quietly turning into a pile of manure which could fertilize the soil for something better....but I wonder.....will it?
Hi Tara. I don't quite know how I found you, but I'm sure glad I did. This article is music to my ears and a salve to my soul.
My reason for being on Substack is to help change the narrative around breast cancer (less slap-on pink ribbon after 'fight the good fight' & more inner reflection and personal healing journey) and rather than put all my writing into a one-off book, I came here to spark discussion, hold conversations, LISTEN to other's stories while I share my own and TOGETHER walk ourselves through a changed perspective and promote a shift in the Cancer System.
Obviously, the more people join in the conversation the more collective power we will have, but I view this as a longterm process, not a quick hit ego project; 15mins of fame, then onto the next topic or iteration of my work. Also obviously, I need to feed and house myself and my children and this work takes energy, effort, time and requires money. (When the recurrence of cancer nudges occasionally, you guard all these things VERY mindfully).
So my reason for writing to you here is; I like the 'depth rather than breadth' encouragement of being remarkable. This is my wish for myself, my work and most definitely what I choose to engage with on Substack. I know that trying to be present on many SM platforms, leads to an exhaustion and soul-destruction that could literally make me terminally ill, but there are times that I worry that I am not doing 'what it takes to get notice'. Reading your perspective this morning grounded me back into my own conviction that being remarkable rather than marketable is my healthy, sustainable route.
Have a great week. You have help me to start mine well :)
Hi Emma! You used the word "listen"—and that's so key, right? I think I implied listening in the post but didn't say it explicitly, so I'm glad you did! If we want others to listen to us, we have to listen to them. If we want others to share our work, we need to share theirs.
I often think about an idea from Priya Parker's book The Art of Gathering. She says that if we want people to 'go into the deep end' with us, then we have to be willing to dive in first and go much deeper than we hope they will. I think writers are primed to do this in their writing, but it's not what we're told to do as people who are trying to get others to notice our writing. But the same can apply here. What does it look like to dive in first and go much deeper with the way we engage and share others' writing? And how might that shift the way our own writing is received?
Thank you for the lovely comment!
Beautiful questions. And here's my first riff: what it looks like is taking time and being human; daring to be real, vulnerable, wrong sometimes, to be messy and complicated while also clear and not contrived.
There is also an element of the writer and sharer needing to be in touch with something more than just a superficial, go-getting headspace. Vapid might be entertaining sometimes - and we all need some of that - but if we are truly to engage with people and their ideas we need to be grounded in our own depth first.
How might that shift the way our own writing is received? My hope is that being this way will indirectly give others permission to show-up similarly. I believe we receive a sense of how a post feels from "between the lines" - this is possibly the wisdom in a person that enables them to write in the way that they do - and I like to think that our readers respond to that. I am a poet, so I trust this 'feel'. I certainly felt it in your post which inspired me to respond.
You have literally described my life and business. I have always been a relationships person and most of my friendships started in corporate offices. That approach did not change when I launched my own business 8+ years ago. For the last five years I've had a consistent six-figure product-based business despite a relatively small audience. People often ask me how I do that and a big part of my answer is "relationships." To me these relationships are never transactional, they exist because I enjoy them, I learn from them, and I love the friendships that grow out of them. In my business I also call it "mingling" because it feels like networking and engagement that is fun, friendly and relationship-based. I reckon especially with AI entering our lives now, that 'real' relationships will become even more important. Thanks for this wonderfully affirming article ❤️
"MORE!" The ever grinding more.
Wow Tara, this is another insightful and extremely relevant point:
"When the focus is on more, it’s hard to make remarkable things. And it’s near impossible to allow the space for others to remark."
This makes me think of the Industrial Revolution! Look at the extraordinary mess that has caused us and is having a major domino affect on the whole of us. Going back to quote Sharon Blackie on how women are the Earth's caregivers, how now is not about getting MORE but giving back.
"Space to remark" Your insight is acute on this subject. This is why I could never fully commit to any social media. It feels to me at times a dumping ground, a mound of rubble, bubbling at first and then quietly turning into a pile of manure which could fertilize the soil for something better....but I wonder.....will it?
Thank you Tara for being here.