Oh the layers!!!! The meta experience I had reading this was a trip. Don’t have more language for it than that it this point, but want to come back to it.
I think you just gave language to how you’ve been intentionally doing something that I think I’ve been unconsciously doing while trying to back away from certain identities, or projections of identities.
Particularly this ‘one who knows’, who speaks to the you, like I have a bodily feeling of repulsion at occupying that way of showing up or presenting. Despite having held roles of ‘teacher’, and being effective at it, there’s this sense that I just don’t care or don’t want to do it. I think you’ve just given language to why my lack of ease with it feels the way it does. I’ve been holding it as a shift in priority and expression, in how I want to make work and art, but having been someone steeped in relentless personal development my entire adult life, how you’ve articulated this is really helpful to see why I just don’t want to do some of things I just don’t want to do.
This comment feels very mid-process and unformed, but thanks for giving this your first go, I look forward to seeing how this exploration goes.
Thank you for this encouragement, Chela!! I'm so glad this landed with you. I had certainly reached a point where I need to write/publish something even if it wasn't fully formed yet. And I was hoping it would land with someone in a way that would give me some oomph to explore further!
Oh great, yes, please go further! I’ve found myself thinking about it all day, bending my mind through different experiences of what you’re talking about and compelled to dive deeper myself. Excited to read where you go with this, whenever the time is right!
This resonates so much for me Tara! I experienced really similar shifts (albeit less well thought out as you outline here) and now edit everything I write by taking out any unneeded you’s and we’s. My “advice column” is not one! 😂 Especially coming from the meditation and spirituality world, I’ve become allergic to people telling others how they should meditate (or even if they should), how they should practice their spirituality, or generally propose there’s one (or even a dozen) size fits all for how to be in this world. Thank you for this! 🙏🏾
Just to be clear, the "well thought out" part was totally in hindsight!
I think you've also landed on another critical word to explore: "should." I've written about it in a sort of personal growth context, but I think there might be something to unpack in terms of how it functions in relation to "you."
Oh yes, would love to hear more about the shitting on of shoulds!! Now as I think about it a bit (not well thought out) for me there’s something in there about the domination and power of expertise vs the collaboration and connection of experience.
Yeah, I think that's exactly right. I mentioned to Jenny Blake on Notes that it might also be worth exploring the difference between the speech of the speculative Advice Giver and the legitimate expert/highly experienced person with something useful to share/teach.
Perhaps "should" (and "you) is a word we use to perform expertise when we're unsure of our own expertise? I don't know that the truly knowledgeable/experienced/expert person needs to resort to domination. Their posture tends to be more nuanced and contextual? Which of course doesn't easily get packaged up as a product or commodity to speculate on!
Yes. And I think the insecure expert is often mimicking the sanctified bullshit “experts” of the dominant culture — everyone from eugenicists to neoliberal economists to policy wonks arguing for more war… these people are taken very, very seriously even when they are being intellectually lazy (and wrong).
Oh geez, I think it was just the accumulation of all of it everywhere! I think this realization also coincided with just not getting any personal value from social media as a user/consumer anymore. I just don't need people to Talk Directly To Me on social media. I'm interested in following along, seeing what they're up to, but I really don't want their meaningless advice. So I figured if I didn't want that, there had to be others who didn't want it either!
I've also been pondering since reading this piece: what you're describing feels very foreign to my own experience-- like, I can't think of any instances of personal development where I chose them in this kind of speculative mode (I'm sure I'm not free from this sort of dynamic, but it doesn't feel familiar), but it's also making me wonder if my personal friction with Substack and being on a platform isn't friction around being "pulled in"? Gonna keeping thinking on this.
Well, to be more specific, Hearn describes the anticipatory, speculative self as an "ideal type," by which she means a category for describing sociological patterns. So while I can identify with it on a personal level (and I bet others can too), it's not meant as an individual pathology.
Oh, lol, sorry, unclear comment on my part -- I meant more I'd be very curious to try and figure out (probably impossible) where the wave of speaking in second person came from; it's such a distinct mode of writing (I still use it! Very strategically and in very specific types of writing!), but it would make sense to me to have grown alongside other trends in online business/coach speak, etc...
Ah! Yeah, I mean I think it's indicative of what I'm tentatively calling the "Creator turn" in social media. Like, we still SAY we're "connecting" on social media—but that's actually what any social media training recommends. Best practices are about "creating" and talking AT people. It's a generalization—but I think it's largely true.
( and makes me want to go back and track to engineering changes, dev of platforms, etc... Like, how do algorithmic tweaks lead to second order behavior changes. There's what the platform is trying to do, and then there's the way that human language/behavior adapts around and because of the changes. Facebook inserting ads, or changing chronology, those sorts of things... )
Ahh everything you write lands so well and needs to be said! I remember explicitly learning to use "you" in all of my marketing in the earlier years.
At this point it's a habit and I also notice it everywhere. Writing fiction has been helpful to break some of these ingrained marketing loops. That and taking a break from posting on social media for a bit, too!
Oh the layers!!!! The meta experience I had reading this was a trip. Don’t have more language for it than that it this point, but want to come back to it.
I think you just gave language to how you’ve been intentionally doing something that I think I’ve been unconsciously doing while trying to back away from certain identities, or projections of identities.
Particularly this ‘one who knows’, who speaks to the you, like I have a bodily feeling of repulsion at occupying that way of showing up or presenting. Despite having held roles of ‘teacher’, and being effective at it, there’s this sense that I just don’t care or don’t want to do it. I think you’ve just given language to why my lack of ease with it feels the way it does. I’ve been holding it as a shift in priority and expression, in how I want to make work and art, but having been someone steeped in relentless personal development my entire adult life, how you’ve articulated this is really helpful to see why I just don’t want to do some of things I just don’t want to do.
This comment feels very mid-process and unformed, but thanks for giving this your first go, I look forward to seeing how this exploration goes.
Thank you for this encouragement, Chela!! I'm so glad this landed with you. I had certainly reached a point where I need to write/publish something even if it wasn't fully formed yet. And I was hoping it would land with someone in a way that would give me some oomph to explore further!
Oh great, yes, please go further! I’ve found myself thinking about it all day, bending my mind through different experiences of what you’re talking about and compelled to dive deeper myself. Excited to read where you go with this, whenever the time is right!
I concur-- more please!
This resonates so much for me Tara! I experienced really similar shifts (albeit less well thought out as you outline here) and now edit everything I write by taking out any unneeded you’s and we’s. My “advice column” is not one! 😂 Especially coming from the meditation and spirituality world, I’ve become allergic to people telling others how they should meditate (or even if they should), how they should practice their spirituality, or generally propose there’s one (or even a dozen) size fits all for how to be in this world. Thank you for this! 🙏🏾
Just to be clear, the "well thought out" part was totally in hindsight!
I think you've also landed on another critical word to explore: "should." I've written about it in a sort of personal growth context, but I think there might be something to unpack in terms of how it functions in relation to "you."
I'm so glad this landed with you!
Oh yes, would love to hear more about the shitting on of shoulds!! Now as I think about it a bit (not well thought out) for me there’s something in there about the domination and power of expertise vs the collaboration and connection of experience.
Yeah, I think that's exactly right. I mentioned to Jenny Blake on Notes that it might also be worth exploring the difference between the speech of the speculative Advice Giver and the legitimate expert/highly experienced person with something useful to share/teach.
Perhaps "should" (and "you) is a word we use to perform expertise when we're unsure of our own expertise? I don't know that the truly knowledgeable/experienced/expert person needs to resort to domination. Their posture tends to be more nuanced and contextual? Which of course doesn't easily get packaged up as a product or commodity to speculate on!
Yes. And I think the insecure expert is often mimicking the sanctified bullshit “experts” of the dominant culture — everyone from eugenicists to neoliberal economists to policy wonks arguing for more war… these people are taken very, very seriously even when they are being intellectually lazy (and wrong).
I would love to know what triggered the "you" shift! (What online influencer was ground zero?!?)
Oh geez, I think it was just the accumulation of all of it everywhere! I think this realization also coincided with just not getting any personal value from social media as a user/consumer anymore. I just don't need people to Talk Directly To Me on social media. I'm interested in following along, seeing what they're up to, but I really don't want their meaningless advice. So I figured if I didn't want that, there had to be others who didn't want it either!
I've also been pondering since reading this piece: what you're describing feels very foreign to my own experience-- like, I can't think of any instances of personal development where I chose them in this kind of speculative mode (I'm sure I'm not free from this sort of dynamic, but it doesn't feel familiar), but it's also making me wonder if my personal friction with Substack and being on a platform isn't friction around being "pulled in"? Gonna keeping thinking on this.
Well, to be more specific, Hearn describes the anticipatory, speculative self as an "ideal type," by which she means a category for describing sociological patterns. So while I can identify with it on a personal level (and I bet others can too), it's not meant as an individual pathology.
Oh, lol, sorry, unclear comment on my part -- I meant more I'd be very curious to try and figure out (probably impossible) where the wave of speaking in second person came from; it's such a distinct mode of writing (I still use it! Very strategically and in very specific types of writing!), but it would make sense to me to have grown alongside other trends in online business/coach speak, etc...
Ah! Yeah, I mean I think it's indicative of what I'm tentatively calling the "Creator turn" in social media. Like, we still SAY we're "connecting" on social media—but that's actually what any social media training recommends. Best practices are about "creating" and talking AT people. It's a generalization—but I think it's largely true.
Yes, that makes so much so sense to me.
( and makes me want to go back and track to engineering changes, dev of platforms, etc... Like, how do algorithmic tweaks lead to second order behavior changes. There's what the platform is trying to do, and then there's the way that human language/behavior adapts around and because of the changes. Facebook inserting ads, or changing chronology, those sorts of things... )
Ahh everything you write lands so well and needs to be said! I remember explicitly learning to use "you" in all of my marketing in the earlier years.
At this point it's a habit and I also notice it everywhere. Writing fiction has been helpful to break some of these ingrained marketing loops. That and taking a break from posting on social media for a bit, too!